Push the Envelope

I'm writing this from my phone in the few minutes before Ambien has me in its clutches. i just needed to say a few things.

a) congrats, Pres Obama
b) i can see good things in the future again
c) halloween costuming has commenced. i am dressing as if on my way to a glorious masquerade. construction is in progress. i cant believe i found a gown to work for $10.
d) nanowrimo. will this be the first time i win, having failed since 2002? we'll see. as i have a story idea and am mapping the protagonist, i actually have a plan, plotbunnies being formed, and i think i can do it.
e) researching family tree, i found that my 7th great grandfather was born in Kelso, Scotland, which was fun because most of my family's share of his descendants live in or near Kelso, Washington, named for the one in scotland.
f) therapy tomorrow, but being able to sleep has made all the difference in the world.

cant continue. byeee

Oh yeah! In happier news, I am going to have a niece in a few months! Trista had her ultrasound.

Some jerkface(s) in Mexico have my debit card number somehow (how does that happen, even? Did I go to a shady gas station? Did they break into records?) and tried to spend all sorts of money I do and don't have.

Thank goodness fraud prevention people monitor things like lots of money suddenly being spent in other countries and call to check. And thank goodness the jerks' second and subsequent purchases were declined because I didn't have that much in my account.

Boo for having to file a dispute to get back the first $600. Oh well. Could be worse, I suppose.

It occurred to me that I almost never bother to write when I am not in some sort of turmoil, unless I'm announcing something exciting but ultimately trivial (Mika concert in October, oh em gee).

This isn't exactly a break in the usual pattern.

What's frustrating, aside from the obvious, is that things are going well. Overall, I like what is happening in my life. I love my new place, I love my crazy alien kitten, I love my friends, there have been no serious family issues as of late, my camping ambitions were finally realized after those years I was carless, and there's a lovely girl who seems to think I'm sort of neat too.

Like I told my psychiatrist, it all looks good on paper.

But the reality is that I feel myself crashing. Not as devistatingly as most times before, no. This feels more like a lot of Freshman or Sophomore year of high school (I think...my behavior was similar, anyway). It's not so bad that I can't see the good. It's just bad enough that I don't particularly want to face the world, or fulfill obligations.

I want to what? Spend money for the temporary burst of serotonin? Mostly, lock myself in my apartment.

I'm coming at this from a few directions.

1. I will email my psychiatrist to see if I can start the new mood stabilizer now rather than keeping a three month mood log and then deciding.
2. I will make an appointment with my therapist, in case she has any useful tricks to help me get through life while waiting for chemical back-up.

I'm ahead of the game at least. I'm used to this by now, so I am not scared, helpless, or hopeless.

I just wish Bipolar wasn't a dirty word. I wish it wasn't like coming out of the closet all over again.

In any case, I'm fine. Just making up for the angst I've missed recording in the land of the internet in the recent past. Something like that.

soon to be off and away to pick up my sister and then find a suitable campground in the olympic rainforest (after the four hour drive). hurrah!

did you know there is a town called sappho that is north of forks?

i will make every effort to not climb any mountains this time. so don't fret.

i am so so so excited to see the ocean. it has been ages again. i look forward to the part of hwy 101 that hugs the coast. and going to those beaches up there. supposed to be beautiful. supposed to rain, of course.

and the last weekend this month, camping again, that time with nicole, again in the rainforest. :D

bye!

Um, so, I am unbelievably excited for RENT to start. I think it'll be magic.

Borrowed from katherine_b

YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I want to know 28 things about you. I don't care if we've never talked, never really clicked, or if we already know everything about each other. I really don't. You are obviously on my flist, so let me know with whom I'm friends!

1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favourite Film:
5. Favourite Song or Album:
6. Favourite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favourite memory of us?
14. What is your favourite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarky) - what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favourite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent:
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? (If you have no idea, just say something crazy, it'll entertain me!)
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

My feelings about Barty Crouch Jr as portrayed in HP and the Goblet of Fire the movie have completely shifted since discovering DT elsewhere. To think, I used to consider the tongue thing creepy! I still wish they'd cast Dumbledore differently. He is far too angry. Not approachable at all. I thought he was only supposed to be scary toward his enemies.

Got over my cold, which is very good. Work was okay. Now back to reading until the melatonin kicks in. Hurrah for phone updates!

I like the new Doctor Who companion because she is Scottish and has red hair and freckles.

I'm moving tomorrow between 9am and 5pm, so fair warning if anyone feels like lending a hand loading and/or unloading the truck. :) Let me know.

Also: check out my super cute new old couch. $10! :D I am doing well when it comes to this mid-century theme.

I am doing less well in the sense that I hurt my shoulder and it just keeps feeling worse. Massively inconvenient at the moment, a hurt shoulder.

I realized I haven't posted any photos from San Francisco. These are just the digital photos since I haven't developed the film I shot. The entire gallery is here.

HEY GUYS.

There is a TARDIS shirt on Woot. You only have until 10PM west coast time to buy it. http://shirt.woot.com/

Oh yeah, and it has the DeLorean too.

I have returned from San Francisco. I feel like I've been gone forever, and then not at all. I'll write more later, but for now I will just say that I saw and did the vast majority of what I had hoped to see and do.

Also, Virgin America is posh.

And everything here seems especially damp after the gorgeous San Francisco-in-spring weather.

So far, I am in love with this trip. I feel good about the public transit, Alcatraz was absolutely brilliant, the atmosphere of the Phoenix Hotel is impossible to fully describe (also, I wonder whose tour bus is outside), we had delicious Burmese food for lunch (srsly, yum) and I have heard so many languages spoken today.

Also, flying was everything I remember it being, except modified for a jet rather than 4-seat plane. I loooooooove the feeling of changing altitudes. I kind of just basked in it. And then just...flying. It is such a happy feeling, having that perspective, looking at the horizon, seeing mountains made tiny, the itty bitty toy cars on the roads. I can see this stuff in photos and sattelite images, but those aren't the same as seeing it in motion, all of these tiny people absorbed in their Very Important Affairs - now such small pieces of the whole.

All right, this is getting dorky, but the fact remains...I am beyond happy that I have three more days here.

Third row tickets to Dar Williams in April! HURRAH!!

Pre-ordered Decemberists Hazards of Love CD and gatefold LP! HURRAH AGAIN.

Not exactly new news, but: March 24th! The tracklist alone of the new Decemberists album sounds so fantastically excellent.

1. Prelude
2. The Hazards of Love 1 (The Prettiest Whistles Won't Wrestle the Thistles Undone)
3. A Bower Scene
4. Won't Want for Love (Margaret in the Taiga)
5. The Hazards of Love 2 (Wager All)
6. The Queen's Approach
7. Isn't it a Lovely Night?
8. The Wanting Comes in Waves / Repaid
9. An Interlude
10. The Rake's Song
11. The Abduction of Margaret
12. The Queen's Rebuke / The Crossing
13. Annan Water
14. Margaret in Captivity
15. The Hazards of Love 3 (Revenge!)
16. The Wanting Comes in Waves (Reprise)
17. The Hazards of Love 4 (The Drowned)